Everything was fine. You were meeting deadlines, getting the odd “great job” in meetings, even sharing a few laughs over coffee. Then, almost without warning, something shifted. Conversations turned short. Projects you’d normally lead were handed to someone else. Your boss stopped replying to emails. It feels like the temperature dropped in the room, and you’re left thinking, Did I do something wrong?
When that kind of change isn’t tied to how you’re performing, and it starts to make your day‑to‑day impossible, it can be more than just awkward. In some cases, it can point to something serious, like constructive dismissal—where a workplace doesn’t fire you outright but makes staying so difficult that leaving feels like the only option. It happens more often than people think.
So, what can you do? Here’s how to recognise the signs, look after yourself, and handle it in a way that puts you back in control.
Don’t Focus on One Bad Day
Everyone has off days, even managers. A single short reply or a meeting that gets skipped isn’t necessarily a sign of trouble — people get stressed, distracted, or overloaded sometimes, and that’s perfectly normal. What really matters is what you notice over weeks, not just a day or two. Pay attention to whether those moments start forming a pattern.
For example, are you suddenly being left off meeting invites or project updates that you would normally be included in? That kind of exclusion, especially if it happens more than once, can quietly chip away at your ability to do your job.
Has your role begun to shrink without any real explanation? Maybe certain responsibilities are being reassigned, or tasks you’ve handled for months are suddenly given to someone else without discussion.
Are you experiencing a new level of nitpicking, where tiny, previously overlooked mistakes are suddenly blown out of proportion? A shift like that can indicate your work is being scrutinised in an unusual way.
Or perhaps messages and emails that used to get quick responses are now being ignored when you genuinely need guidance. When that becomes the norm rather than the exception, it can make even routine tasks feel confusing and isolating.
One incident on its own might just be a bad day. But when these changes start stacking up and affecting how you can perform, it’s worth taking seriously. It’s those repeated patterns, not isolated moments, that tell you something deeper might be going on.
One or two of these on their own could just be a blip. But if it keeps happening—and starts making it hard to do your job—that’s worth paying attention to.
Start a Private Record (Yes, Even Small Things)
When things at work start to feel uncertain or tense, relying on memory alone isn’t enough — especially when small incidents begin to blur together over time. That’s why it’s so important to write things down as they happen. Keep a simple, private log somewhere safe — on your personal laptop, a notebook at home, or even a secure notes app on your phone — so you can build a clear picture of events if you ever need it later.
Make sure your log includes specific dates and quick notes about what happened. Did a project get taken away without explanation? Was there a meeting you were unexpectedly left out of? Did your boss make a comment that felt unfair or out of character? Note it down in the moment while it’s fresh in your mind.
Save copies of emails or chat messages that show changes in tone or behaviour. Maybe you used to get detailed feedback and now your questions are met with one‑word answers, or perhaps you’ve sent several important messages that were never acknowledged. Those digital breadcrumbs can be important if you need to explain what’s been happening.
It also helps to keep records of any past reviews or positive feedback you’ve received. If you’re suddenly being told your work isn’t up to scratch, having that history of praise or strong performance can show that something changed — and that it’s not simply about your ability.
Remember, you’re not creating a folder of “ammunition” to use against someone. You’re creating a timeline of your experience, something factual and objective, in case you ever need to raise a concern, defend your performance, or get outside advice. It’s about protecting yourself, not escalating the conflict.
Know When It’s More Than Just Awkward
Not every cool‑off from a boss becomes a legal issue. But if the behaviour makes your job so stressful or limited that you feel cornered into quitting, the law might see that as them forcing you out. Ask yourself:
- Have they changed your job or conditions without asking you first?
- Are you being singled out compared to others?
- Is there bullying, unreasonable pressure, or behaviour that crosses a line?
If you’re nodding “yes,” it’s time to find out what your rights are. A quick chat with a workplace adviser or lawyer can help you work out where you stand.
If You Can, Have a Quiet Chat
Only do this if you feel safe and comfortable enough to try. Sometimes, a simple, calm conversation can clear the air. You might say:
“I’ve noticed things feel different between us lately, and I just wanted to check if there’s anything I can do better or if something’s changed.”
It’s not about confrontation—it’s about clarity. And even if the conversation doesn’t fix things, it might give you a clearer idea of what’s really going on.
Resist the Urge to Quit Right Away
When every day at work starts to feel like a fight just to get through, it’s natural to think about quitting on the spot. Walking out can feel like the only way to protect yourself in the moment. But as satisfying as it might feel, leaving impulsively can make things harder down the track if you ever need to prove what happened.
Before making any big decisions, take a step back. Have a quiet chat with HR or someone in the company who isn’t directly involved — someone who can give you a clearer perspective. Talk it through with a trusted friend or mentor who knows you well and can help you think it through calmly. And if it’s possible, seek some legal advice so you understand exactly where you stand.
Sometimes, staying just a little longer — while you keep documenting what’s going on and explore the official channels — can put you in a much stronger position later, whether that means negotiating a fair exit or making a formal claim. It’s not about staying forever; it’s about making sure you leave on your own terms and with your options open.
Use the Formal Channels
Most workplaces have some sort of grievance process. It might feel awkward to use it, but it serves two purposes: it gives your employer a chance to fix things, and it creates an official record that you’ve raised concerns.
If they act on it, great. If they don’t, you’ve got documentation that shows you tried.
You’re Not the Only One
Being shut out or sidelined can feel incredibly personal. It’s easy to start doubting yourself. But you’re not the first person to go through this—and you won’t be the last. Talk to someone outside work. Lean on people who know how to handle employment issues. And remind yourself: your worth isn’t tied to one manager’s behaviour.
Take Back Some Power
A good workplace should feel safe and supportive, not like a constant guessing game. If your boss’s attitude has shifted and it’s affecting your well‑being or your ability to do your job, don’t just put up with it.
Start taking notes. Ask questions. Get advice. And above all, don’t let silence be your only option.
Whether this ends in patching things up, finding a new role, or seeking legal help, you deserve to work in an environment where respect and fairness aren’t “nice to have”—they’re a given.
